In Which I Don't Assign My Kids Chores Because I Do Them Better

Kittygirl has wanted her own cat practically since she started talking. Heck, she probably wanted one before that. She just couldn't tell us. When she was a baby we had four cats. One of mine even let Kittygirl pull her around by the tail. I think the poor thing was so attention starved at that point she was willing to put up with it so someone would pet her. Two of the cats had died by the time she was two (they were both 15 and one had cancer, she didn't love them to death or anything :)). Another died when she was three and a half. Our last cat lived until Kittygirl was six. Ever since then she has wanted her own cat even more. We intend to get her one someday, but we needed to get new carpet first because said last cat had a bad habit of peeing on the carpet and we didn't want a new kitty to follow in her footsteps.

When about six months had gone by since that cat's death and we were nowhere near getting new carpet (it's finally happening early next year) I advocated for getting some small caged pets. I found out that a friend from the homeschool coop we were a part of was looking to rehome some guinea pigs and we adopted Tesla and Sugar, pictured below.

In case you're curious, Tesla belongs to Squirrelboy and Sugar to Kittygirl. Tesla is named for the car company and Sugar for her large white patch. I find it amusing that a kid with diabetes chose to name her pet Sugar. When we got the guinea pigs, the idea was that they were the kids' pets and therefore the kids were going to help care for them. This was supposed to include cleaning out their cage, which, it turns out, is one of the most annoying chores of all time. 

We've had our little piggies for just over a year and a half now. I think Squirrelboy has cleaned the cage twice. Kittygirl helped me once. They do occasionally hold their pets while I clean out the cage. Why have I let his happen? For the simple reason that, if I'm the one who cleans the cage, it gets done both more quickly and much better. Mr. Engineer keeps pressing me to give them more responsibility for their pets, but I really don't want to. Cleaning the cage myself is annoying enough. Supervising a kid while it gets cleaned would be at least 10 times more annoying, and it wouldn't get done as well.

While I don't feel too bad about being the primary guinea pig cage cleaner, I do regret applying this philosophy to a lot of things in parenting. I'm way too quick to do something for one of my kids or to help them so much I might as well be doing it. 

I know this is partly because of their disabilities. I still sometimes type assignments for Squirrelboy because it's easier for him to speak his thoughts than to write them. When I was homeschooling him, I gave him a lot of leeway to do assignments differently or push them off if his ADHD was making it hard for him to manage the assignment at the time. I still talk through with Squirrelboy what work he has to do every afternoon to make sure he hasn't forgotten anything. At some point I need to help him transition to doing these things himself, but he's only a high school freshman so I don't yet feel the pressure to make him be fully responsible for such things.

Kittygirl has never had any problem with schoolwork. In fact, compared to her brother she'd almost be way too easy if her ridiculous pancreas hadn't stopped doing one of its jobs. Where I need to be careful with Kittygirl is in not taking on so much of her diabetes care that she never learns to be self sufficient. This is a fine line to walk, because I also don't want to give her so much responsibility at a young age that she burns out and decides she's done taking care of herself at 15 or 20. Thankfully, the day camp I've mentioned before has helped to push me in the right direction. Two summers ago, it was the first place she tested her own blood sugar. Last summer it was the first place she entered things into her pump.

The camp is held at a private school that grew out of the amazing cooperative preschool that Kittygirl attended. I've recently started working occasionally as a substitute aid at the preschool to a) make some extra cash and b) hang out with some fun kids. Seriously, it's so much fun I can't believe they pay me. Anyway, I was working in the art room today and I noticed this sign.

I loved this sign when Kittygirl was in preschool, and that's the kind of philosophy I want to embody in my parenting and often fail to do. Yes, there are times when you need to do things for your kids. There are other times when you need to give them significant help and guidance on the way to eventual independence. However, if you never let them try anything on their own, they'll never acquire the skills they need to be successful adults. They'll just expect you to step in for them all the time and accomplish all the big (and even many of the little) things in their lives for them. I think this is a concept that's important for all parents to keep in mind, but especially those whose kids have extra challenges and may need extra help. They may take a different, slower path to independence. In some case they may never be fully independent at all. However, it's still our job to help them get to whatever point they're capable of reaching. Letting them care for their pets, even if they don't do it as well as you do, might be a great place to start.