In Which Virtual Is Actually Pretty Good

If you had told me six months ago that my 9 year old would be using Zoom regularly this year I would have believed you. Then the pandemic hit, and most of us started using Zoom or some other video meeting interface pretty often. Our first experiences were kind of mediocre. Her teachers had a weekly class Zoom meeting, but it was poorly attended and not that engaging. Random kids in her grade would have their parents set up a Zoom meeting so that they could talk to their friends. Some parents set up meetings with grand intentions for the kids to speak Spanish with each other, but that never happened. Kittygirl tried one of those meetings, but it was set up by a boy and she was the only girl who joined. She left the meeting after just a few minutes. 

Virtual school as a whole was pretty unimpressive this spring. I don't blame the teachers. This was thrown on them very suddenly. They were provided with no training. They were also told they were not allowed to lower students' grades during the last 9 weeks when we had to go virtual and that they couldn't introduce new content. It was a pretty terrible set of circumstances.

Our first positive virtual experience was with a virtual Cub Scout campout in April. There was a whole schedule of suggested activities with the opportunity to share what you were doing via Facebook, plus Facebook live events where you could interact with others. Frankly, the planning was better than some in person campouts we've attended. We even had a real campfire in the backyard during the closing campfire program.

This summer everything the kids had planned to do was cancelled, but we managed to have some really impressive virtual experiences. We were particularly sad that FFL Orlando, the amazing diabetes conference that we've attended for the last two summers, had to go virtual.this year. However, it was actually done extremely well. They even had virtual versions of the Thursday evening banquet and the Saturday social events. One of the best parts of FFL is connecting with other parents of kids with diabetes and adults living with diabetes, and the organizers did their best to recreate those random connections by having virtual "hallways" - Zoom meetings that you could join at any time  between 8am and 8pm. 

It was disappointing that kid and adult sessions alternated during the virtual conference so I had to find something for Kittygirl to do during my sessions, but I understood practically why they did this. Many families simply don't have enough devices for multiple family members to be on Zoom at the same time.  Both the kid and adult sessions themselves, however, were quite good. I figured the adult sessions, that are often lecture type presentations would be pretty easy to translate to a digital environment, but I doubted the kid sessions would fare as well. To my great surprise, Kittygirl absolutely loved her first year in the Tween group even though it was virtual. They did an amazing number of fun activities along with learning some things about diabetes and meeting some famous people with diabetes. They even made "carb creatures" out of food and showed them off.

FFL was just one of several positive virtual experiences we've had this summer. Kittygirl also did a virtual diabetes camp that was surprisingly good. The week of the virtual FFL conference and for a week after that we were isolating as much as possible so we could safely visit my parents, so we signed each kid up for a week of virtual camp the second week. They were both excellent. 

Squirrelboy did a Cyber Film Camp with the Verdugo Hills BSA council, which is based in California in the heart of the moviemaking industry. He got to learn from professionals who do the kinds of things he hopes to do for a living, and he managed to cooperate with a group of 7 other scouts from 4 different states to make a short film. All the films made by the campers were shown in a film festival this Sunday, and I was really impressed. Squirrelboy's film even won the audience award, which was voted on by the Zoom seminar attendees.

Kittygirl did a virtual camp with Lexington Children's Theater. She at first wasn't excited about the idea, but then I told her it was based on a Percy Jackson book, which she is obsessed with, so she agreed. For three hours every day over Zoom the kids rehearsed a short play and then they presented it via Zoom on Friday. It was kind of surreal to have the kids saying their lines on camera in their homes instead of together on a stage, but it was amazingly good despite that. As a bonus, my in-laws who almost never visit and my brother who lives in Germany were able to join the Zoom meeting and watch Kittygirl's play. That never would have happened if it had been a normal end of camp presentation.

This year has not been what we expected. It looks likely that it will continue like this at least until the spring of 2020. Sometimes this makes me really angry. I'm particularly angry that the government in the U.S. has done a really pathetic job reacting to this pandemic. However, lots of individual organizations have really stepped up and embraced this unusual time. So many new people signed up for the virtual version of FFL that the organizers have committed to having a virtual version even when the in person version is safe again (hopefully that will be 2021, but all bets are off at this point). The Verdugo Hills council is planning to do the Cyber Film Camp again next summer. My husband's company is investigating allowing employees to work from home in come cases long term. I think this pandemic is going to fundamentally change the way we do some things, and in many cases it will be for the better.

These positive experiences are why, even though our spring experience of virtual school was pretty pathetic, I'm cautiously optimistic about what it could look like in the fall. Our district has announced that we will begin two weeks later than originally planned, on August 26, and that school will be virtual only at least until the end of September, at which point local conditions will be reevaluated. If we do go back later in the fall it will be part time to begin with and 1-3 days a week will still be virtual. This time, there has been more time to prepare, it is expected that new content will be presented, and the superintendent says that work will be differentiated. I have a healthy skepticism about how this will go, and am mentally preparing to pull Kittygirl and homeschool her if she's as miserable as she was in the spring, but for the time being I'm giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Overall, virtual is normally not as good as in person. However, I have experience really well done virtual and really poorly done virtual. Here's hoping that school this fall is closer to the former.

In Which I Am the Parent of a Boy Scout, a Cub Scout, and a Girl Scout (Despite Only Having Two Kids)

Scouting has been a wonderful experience for our family. In this post I've included a picture that Squirrelboy managed to take of himself at sunset, while backpacking across Isle Royale National Park (it's in Lake Superior and it's the least visited national park in the continental U.S., look it up) this past summer with his Boy Scout troop.

Mr. Engineer is an Eagle Scout. My scouting experience was not nearly so monumental. I participated in Indian Princesses (apparently the equivalent now is Adventure Princesses) through the YMCA with my Dad through most (maybe all, I honestly don't remember) of elementary school, which was scout-like. I was also a member of a Brownie troop at my school for at least one school year (maybe two), but I didn't actually continue in the troop after crossing the bridge to Juniors. Scouting just wasn't my thing, especially the outdoor parts of scouting. Mind you, I enjoy the occasional hike through a beautiful natural area, even a long hike that takes a large portion of the day. However, my ideal outdoor activity is to lie outside in a hammock and read a good book. I also really like my bed, and it's too big to fit into a tent.

It's a good thing I wasn't totally set on my kids having the same view of the outdoors that I do, because otherwise married the wrong man. He got Squirrelboy involved with Cub Scouts as a Tiger in first grade, the first year he was eligible. Squirrelboy went all the way through and earned his Arrow of Light, the highest honor in Cub Scouts. He then dove right into a Boy Scout troop in the spring of 5th grade. In addition to providing him with lots of great campouts and backpacking opportunities, scouting has grown Squirrelboy as a person and as a leader. He has spent quite awhile now in the position of troop quartermaster. That puts him in charge of making sure the right supplies make it to every outing. For an ADHD kid who struggles with details you might think this job would be a nightmare, but he thrives in it. When it comes to on the ground experiences, Squirrelboy's learning and attention differences don't hold him back one bit in scouts. In fact, according to Mr. Engineer (I have to take his word for it since I've never been on a Boy Scout campout), Squirrelboy is the best version of himself on campouts. Somehow his brain focuses in just the right way in that environment. Badges that require a lot of writing are a whole different story, but I like to think they're teaching him to persevere and pursue what he wants even if it involves some things he doesn't like.

Kittygirl, having watched her scout brother from babyhood, knew she wanted to be a scout as soon as possible. When she was in kindergarten there were two choices: Girl Scouts or American Heritage Girls. We visited an American  Heritage Girl troop that met at the local Catholic cathedral. They did some cool stuff and we enjoyed the meeting, but it was just a little too Catholic for us. Though they were very welcoming to us as protestants, I decided scouting didn't also need to include regular lessons in Catholic prayers and theology. We then attended an interest meeting for Girl Scouts, where we learned that a new Daisy troop was being started at Maxwell. A girl from her class and her mom were at the meeting as well, and we both decided to sign up our girls. Kittygirl is still in this troop, now in her second year as a Brownie. The troop doesn't do a lot of outdoor activities, but they do all kinds of other amazing things, including service projects, coding, and more. All the girls in the troop are from her school and they've all become friends. None of them bat an eye when Kittygirl has to get insulin for snack at meetings or treat a low blood sugar. Originally Kittygirl attended Girl Scouts on her own, but, after her T1D diagnosis, I started attending meetings with her to take care of any diabetes needs during the meeting. At this point, I spend very little time one Kittygirl's needs and my role has morphed into more of an assistant leader, though all the planning is done by the amazing troop leader and all I have to do is show up. I've really enjoyed getting to know some of Kittygirl's classmates in a different environment.

Before I experienced Kittygirl's awesome Girl Scout troop, I often lamented that Cub Scouts wasn't open to girls, because I thought that Kittygirl would really enjoy it and I was sure the program was better than the Girl Scout program (turns out it's not better, just different). Well, lo and behold, as Kittygirl's second grade year began Cub Scouts was opened up to girls. She wanted to join, but didn't want to leave her amazing Girl Scout troop behind. I originally told her that she could do both for one year and then she had to choose. Not surprisingly, she adored Cub Scouts. She and the one other girl in her den (dens are officially divided by gender) became fast friends. She loved all the activities and especially the campouts. Interestingly, campouts are a great thing for her disability as well. Due to all the activity, her blood sugar is the best version of itself at campouts. It's usually in range over 80% of the time on campout weekends no matter what she eats with very little work on our part, except for giving her food without insulin when she starts to go low. Keeping her blood sugar in range 80% of the time on a normal day is possible, but a whole lot more work than it is on a campout day. Mr. Engineer is Kittygirl's den leader, and all the events are aimed at the whole family, so it's not weird that, for instance, one of us needs to be with her on overnight events for diabetes care, because all the other kids are with at least one parent for overnight events as well.

As you probably figured out, in the end we have let Kittygirl continue with both scout organizations for a second year. It makes her schedule even more insane (I'll write a post about her insane schedule some other time), but she has gained so much and learned so much through both her troop and he pack that it makes the insanity worth it.

I can't swear that scouting is right for your kid, of course, but, whatever brand of scouting fits your family best, it's absolutely worth trying.

In Which I Attempt to Explain What I've Done to NOT Screw Up My Kids So Far

When wasting time on Facebook instead of doing something useful like dusting my house (don't ask me when I last did that), I often run across articles detailing how hard it is to raise good, honest kids these days. Society has gone downhill, they say. There are so many temptations and opportunities for kids to grow up way before their time. There are 8 year olds running around with smartphones and accidentally happening upon porn. It seems that often the conclusion is that you either need to homeschool your kids, never give them phones, and keep them away from those things for as long as possible or you need to give in to the inevitable and try to minimize the damage. We've managed to find a middle way with our kids (at least so far), and an incident that happened regarding Squirrelboy last night and into this morning has compelled me to write about that. Even in this fairly anonymous space I don't want to share the details of this incident. The basic outline is that it was communicated to Squirrelboy's principal that he was the instigator of an event of which he was actually the reporter. The incident took place outside another high school, to which Squirrelboy takes a bus in the afternoon to transfer to a bus to our neighborhood. Thanks to a lot of phone calls made by both me and Mr. Engineer last night and by Squirrelboy's principal this morning, the truth was sorted out by 8am when his principal had scheduled a meeting with all of us. Squirrelboy received a fervent apology and the principal is committed to finding out how the message was transmitted so badly and what needs to happen districtwide so that another good kid doesn't end up getting blamed for something he or she bravely reports. What really struck me during the meeting, however, was that both the principal and the vice principal told us that, when they heard the allegation, they knew Isaac was not the kind of kid who would do that. This is his first year at this school and school has been in session for just over a month, so I think the fact that the administrators of his school already know he's a person of good character says a lot about him. I know he's a good kid, of course, but I'm his mom. I'm biased. We're not done raising him yet, but I think the fact that we've gotten him all the way to 14 and both people who know him well and people who are just getting to know him comment on his good character is an accomplishment worth noting.

So what did we do? I'm actually going to start with what we didn't do. We didn't let him watch whatever movies and TV shows he wanted to watch, even if it seemed like all of his peers were watching them. We have always carefully curated the media both he and his sister are exposed to. And by that I don't mean we decided upon a particular rating level we wouldn't let him watch. When he asked about watching something, we would read about it and, if we were still unsure, we would watch the first episode with him. For example, he started watching Downtown Abbey, which is rated TV-14, at 11 because he was very interested in this historical aspect and we decided the positives of what he could learn through the show outweighed the negatives of the occasional mature content. However, the rule was that either I had to have watched the episode previously or we had to watch it together. That enabled me to talk through the mature content with him either as we were watching an episode or before he watched it. He's watched a carefully curated selection of R rated movies with a parent (sometimes with a scene or two skipped over) because we believe those movies held an important lesson for him. However, there are some popular PG movies that he hasn't seen and will have to wait until he's an adult to see and can make his own media choices because we don't think he needs that garbage in his brain. Another thing we didn't do was let him play a lot of video games. He went through a brief obsession with Minecraft, but even then we tightly controlled how much time he could spend on Minecraft and made sure it didn't supersede his other interests. He is now completely baffled by the fact that so many of his peers are obsessed with video games. We also didn't get him a phone until he was in 8th grade. Even then, we didn't give him internet access on the phone until he could make a good case for needing it for a practical reason. We still only let him use preapproved apps and don't let him watch YouTube or other videos on his phone. We haven't let him get any social media accounts, even though most of his friends have had them for years, well before the official internet age of consent of 13. Keeping him off social media takes away one potential bullying space as well as one potential space for being exposed to content we believe is inappropriate for his still developing brain.

Our parenting hasn't been all about negatives, however. One important thing HAVE done is spend a lot of time with him. That's easy for me since I've been a stay at home mom his whole life, but Mr. Engineer always makes spending time and making memories with the kids a priority (often to the detriment of projects around the house getting completed). We've instituted a family culture in which honesty and integrity are valued. We read to him (even now that he's a high schooler) and we talk about what we read. Sometimes characters in books have a lot to teach us, either because they made the right decisions or because they made all the wrong decisions. We also talk to him about why we aren't letting him watch or listen to or play some things his friends have told him are totally awesome. We talk to him about the kind of man we hope and pray he grows up to be and how we hope the way we're parenting will help him become that kind of man. We also take him to church and Sunday School, but we don't leave his religious education to the church alone. We read scripture with him and pray with and for him. We talk about how our faith plays a role in the decisions we make. His good character isn't only due to what we've done, however. Another important aspect is what he has learned through his involvement with the Boy Scouts of America. Mr. Engineer is an Eagle Scout, and the values he learned through scouting stay with him today. He wanted the same for Squirrelboy, and Squirrelboy joined a Cub Scout pack (with Mr. Engineer as his adult partner) in first grade, the first year he was eligible. The BSA motto includes a promise to keep oneself "physically fit, mentally awake, and morally straight." The BSA law states that, among other things, a scout is trustworthy and loyal. Unfortunately, there are people who go all the way through BSA and even sometimes people who serve as leaders who don't truly live these principles. However, Squirrelboy has had an amazing experience with adults who really want the boys to understand and live the motto and the law. I think with our family dynamic Squirrelboy could have turned out just as honest and trustworthy as he is without scouting, but his scouting experience is a wonderful complement to what we're doing and has helped him learn to live out principles we believe in even when he's not around us.

Poor Kittygirl has been basically ignored in this entry. She's only 8, and there have been fewer opportunities in her life for us to see what we're doing right. However, the thing I'm struck with about her is that she's a really good friend. We must be doing things mostly right with her as well when I hear from other parents at her school that she's kind to everyone and everyone likes her. We're raising her in about the same way as we raised to her brother, though, to his chagrin, we've loosened up a little bit on the media part, due in large part to the fact that she's not as sensitive to scary or violent elements in movies as he was at her age. It's also due, frankly, to the fact that we've wanted to see the new Star Wars movies with the whole extended family as they came out and we couldn't exactly leave her back at Grandma's house on her own :).

My kids aren't perfect, and I've made plenty of mistakes as a parent, some of which I may detail in later entries, but there's a lot of evidence stacking up that it really is possible to raise a good kid in this day and age without keeping said kid in a bubble.