In Which Squirrelboy Stands Up for His Faith and I Realize How Many Awesome People We Know

Even though I know many families for whom an education at a religious school has been a great fit and I don't disparage it as a choice, I never seriously considered sending my children to a Christian school. Even when I was homeschooling Squirrelboy for middle school I used very little Christian specific curriculum (and modified what I did use) and purposely joined a homeschool coop that, unlike the majority in our town, welcomes anyone and is not tied into a particular religion, let alone a particular expression of Christianity.

So my kids have spent their entire educational careers either in public school or in a homeschool environment that was purposely diverse in terms of the worldviews of the families involved. Despite the fear I encountered from some of the Christian homeschooling families I got to know during my homeschooling years, neither their teachers nor the curriculum they have been taught have been opposed in any way to our beliefs. In fact, both kids have had some amazing teachers in the public schools who were Christians who specifically believed they were called by God to teach in the public schools. They've also had plenty of great teachers who don't share our faith but have not in any way tried to denigrate it.

That was all absolutely true until last week in Squirrelboy's biology class. Since his high school classes mostly operate on a semester schedule he started some new classes in January. In science, he moved from physics to biology. He had met the biology teacher before, and even interviewed him about the climate strike that he helped organize early in the school year, and had a good impression of him.

Squirrelboy still likes the teacher overall, but he was both annoyed an taken aback by the way the teacher chose to introduce the idea of what is and what is not scientifically verifiable. He put, in the category of scientifically verifiable, Earthquakes, and, in the category of not scientifically verifiable, Angels. Point taken. Angels are part of my cosmology, but I agree that they're not scientifically verifiable. I can think of several less controversial things the teacher could have used given that he lives in the Bible belt, but whatever. If he had stopped there, Squirrelboy would have been only slightly annoyed.

The biology teacher went on to speak against all religion as not scientifically verifiable and therefore wrong. He specifically said the the Bible cannot be believed because it is based only on witness testimony. He apparently even went so far to deny the existence of Jesus as a historical figure. Throughout the class period, Squirrelboy respectfully pushed back against these ideas. The teacher gave no credence to his arguments.

That afternoon, Squirrelboy got into the car feeling pretty angry. We talked it through, and he decided he wanted to write a paper detailing the evidence for at least parts of the Bible being historically verifiable and give it to the teacher, just to show how strongly he feels about this issue. 

I wrote a Facebook post about Squirrelboy's experience, and I was amazed by how many people came out the woodwork to support Squirrelboy and his courage in standing up for his beliefs as well as to disagree with the way the teacher presented this issue. I got everything from comments from Christian friends cheering me on for raising a child with a strong faith to comments from Atheist friends who were appalled that an educator would bring his own religious biases into the classroom in this way. All were supportive.

In addition, many people reached out both to me and directly to Squirrelboy with suggestions for resources Squirrelboy can use for the paper he wants to write. Christian, Jewish, and Atheist friends all suggested resources. That Friday Squirrelboy went to a conference with our church's youth group. One of the adult chaperones came up to him and said, "I have all kinds of thoughts and resources to share with you this weekend." Squirrelboy had set up a meeting with our pastor, and the pastor's wife (who was another chaperone) told me she and her husband were listening to a podcast and at one point he said, "Oh, that's a great thing to bring up during my meeting with Squirrelboy!" (though of course he called him by his real name).

Squirrelboy had his meeting with our pastor yesterday, and he said it was very helpful. Kittygirl and I waited out in the van during the meeting, and the pastor came out with Squirrelboy afterward to summarize what they'd talked about. He also ordered a book for Squirrelboy which will be delivered directly to our house. Who does that?

I'm incredibly proud of Squirrelboy for standing up for his beliefs. It's further proof that, so far, I have managed to do a a pretty good job with Squirrelboy despite the evidence to the contrary I might have decided to take from last week's phone misuse affair. I'm particularly heartened by the fact that I've managed to raise a kid who is learning to own the faith he's being raised in for himself. Due to my own upbringing (which I may, or then again may not, write about another day), I have often felt like I'm stumbling through the dark when it comes to what it means to raise children in a Christian home. Last week's evidence is just the latest piece to suggest that I'm doing a good job after all. 

Trust me, it's not because I'm totally awesome and super spiritual. I give all the credit to God for this one.

In Which I Realize Just How Useless My College Major Was

Today at breakfast Squirrelboy commented that some of his friends who go to other schools have been surprised that his favorite class in high school is English. Mr. Engineer and I reminded him that we, too, were surprised his favorite class was English until we got to know more about his teacher and how the class is run. What Squirrelboy loves the most is the fact that, because his school focuses on project based learning, they're learning to write things with a practical purpose and learning that writing will be useful in their adult lives. I told Squirrelboy that, while I loved English class because reading and writing are my favorite things in the world, most of the writing I did was writing papers about books that were simply for the purpose of my English teacher and read an assign a grade too. Then I paused and realized that, because I have both a B.A. and and M.A. in Spanish with a literature focus, that's pretty much what I spent the majority of my educational career doing. I read books that most people don't care about and wrote papers about them that were of no practical use to anyone. Well, good thing I wasted six years of my life......

No, seriously, my college and grad school experiences were great and helped make me the person I am today. It is, in fact, really useful in my daily life to be proficient in Spanish and to have a knowledge of other cultures. However, when it comes to actual marketable skills, my education netted me very little. Ultimately, that was not detrimental to me. I did manage to pick up some teaching skills by being pushed into the deep end as a teaching assistant in grad school. I continued teaching part time while working as a campus minister for a parachurch campus ministry and attempting to raise up enough financial partners to do ministry full time. The whole fund development thing never worked out well for me, and I eventually left and found a full time job teaching Spanish at a small Christian college near Chicago. I would have needed to continue my education and get a PhD to keep that job and get tenure, but then year Mr. Engineer and I got married and moved back to Kentucky after just one year teaching there. I continued to teach part time as an adjunct at two local schools and substitute teach in the public schools until Squirrelboy was born. Since then I've been a stay at home mom. I made a few (literally, just a few after expenses) bucks teaching coop classes when I was homeschooling Squirrelboy, but, for all intents and purposes, I have not been gainfully employed for the majority of my adult life.

This has worked out fine for me because a) I was born into privilege and could fall back on help from my parents when I was single and not making much money b) I had not chronic medical conditions that required regular doctor visits or medication so it was fine that I was without insurance for a couple years and c) I'm now married to a man with a stable job, a good income, and health insurance. If either a, b, or c were taken away I could have been in serious trouble at some point and I might have thought more about studying something that would more logically lead to a job. I had the freedom to study what interested me, and I never realized what an incredible gift that was. When I look at my kids today, I wonder if their challenges will allow them to have that same freedom.

Thankfully, the medication Squirrelboy takes for ADHD is not necessary for him to stay alive, but it makes the parts of his life that involve attention to detail and focus about 1,000 times easier. Right now this mostly applies to school, but it's likely to apply to whatever job he has as well. He's currently interested in photojournalism and/or filmmaking. Neither job, at least in today's marketplace, normally comes with a steady paycheck and insurance. Before we meet our deductible, his ADHD medication is $200 a month. I don't even want to know what it would be without insurance. I don't want his atypical brain to stop him from pursuing his dreams, but I do wonder if it will have to be figured in.

Kittygirl, on the other hand, does need synthetic insulin to live. In case you've been living under a rock, and haven't heard about this, there are many people in the U.S. who can't afford their insulin. There are multiple stories of young adults who died just months after leaving their parents' insurance or being laid off because they couldn't afford the substance that keeps them alive. In addition, managing Kittygirl's diabetes is a million times easier because of her insulin pump and continuous glucose monitor. People  with diabetes without insurance, or with pathetic insurance, struggle just to get enough insulin to stay alive. Using devices like Kittygirl's is completely out of reach. I don't want this to be Kittygirl's story in young adulthood. I want her to be able to pursue her dreams and not worry if they don't result in obvious marketable skills. However, already now I find myself nudging her toward careers that would be likely to provide a good insurance policy.

Here's where I turn political. It shouldn't have to be this way. In the majority of nations in the developed world, healthcare is a right and not a privilege. Yes, you can't always get the absolute top of the line services that the privileged elite in the U.S. can get, but you can still get what you need. Sometimes there are waiting lists for things like insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitors. However, you can eventually get them if you're patient. You're not fearful of going bankrupt if you get cancer or you or your loved one are involved in a catastrophic accident that results in months of hospitalization. My hope and prayer is that, before my kids reach young adulthood, the U.S. will have caught up with the rest of the developed world and being able to afford to stay alive (in Kittygirl's case) or to live well (in Squirrelboy's case) will not be on their list of adult responsibilities.

In Which I Attempt to Explain What I've Done to NOT Screw Up My Kids So Far

When wasting time on Facebook instead of doing something useful like dusting my house (don't ask me when I last did that), I often run across articles detailing how hard it is to raise good, honest kids these days. Society has gone downhill, they say. There are so many temptations and opportunities for kids to grow up way before their time. There are 8 year olds running around with smartphones and accidentally happening upon porn. It seems that often the conclusion is that you either need to homeschool your kids, never give them phones, and keep them away from those things for as long as possible or you need to give in to the inevitable and try to minimize the damage. We've managed to find a middle way with our kids (at least so far), and an incident that happened regarding Squirrelboy last night and into this morning has compelled me to write about that. Even in this fairly anonymous space I don't want to share the details of this incident. The basic outline is that it was communicated to Squirrelboy's principal that he was the instigator of an event of which he was actually the reporter. The incident took place outside another high school, to which Squirrelboy takes a bus in the afternoon to transfer to a bus to our neighborhood. Thanks to a lot of phone calls made by both me and Mr. Engineer last night and by Squirrelboy's principal this morning, the truth was sorted out by 8am when his principal had scheduled a meeting with all of us. Squirrelboy received a fervent apology and the principal is committed to finding out how the message was transmitted so badly and what needs to happen districtwide so that another good kid doesn't end up getting blamed for something he or she bravely reports. What really struck me during the meeting, however, was that both the principal and the vice principal told us that, when they heard the allegation, they knew Isaac was not the kind of kid who would do that. This is his first year at this school and school has been in session for just over a month, so I think the fact that the administrators of his school already know he's a person of good character says a lot about him. I know he's a good kid, of course, but I'm his mom. I'm biased. We're not done raising him yet, but I think the fact that we've gotten him all the way to 14 and both people who know him well and people who are just getting to know him comment on his good character is an accomplishment worth noting.

So what did we do? I'm actually going to start with what we didn't do. We didn't let him watch whatever movies and TV shows he wanted to watch, even if it seemed like all of his peers were watching them. We have always carefully curated the media both he and his sister are exposed to. And by that I don't mean we decided upon a particular rating level we wouldn't let him watch. When he asked about watching something, we would read about it and, if we were still unsure, we would watch the first episode with him. For example, he started watching Downtown Abbey, which is rated TV-14, at 11 because he was very interested in this historical aspect and we decided the positives of what he could learn through the show outweighed the negatives of the occasional mature content. However, the rule was that either I had to have watched the episode previously or we had to watch it together. That enabled me to talk through the mature content with him either as we were watching an episode or before he watched it. He's watched a carefully curated selection of R rated movies with a parent (sometimes with a scene or two skipped over) because we believe those movies held an important lesson for him. However, there are some popular PG movies that he hasn't seen and will have to wait until he's an adult to see and can make his own media choices because we don't think he needs that garbage in his brain. Another thing we didn't do was let him play a lot of video games. He went through a brief obsession with Minecraft, but even then we tightly controlled how much time he could spend on Minecraft and made sure it didn't supersede his other interests. He is now completely baffled by the fact that so many of his peers are obsessed with video games. We also didn't get him a phone until he was in 8th grade. Even then, we didn't give him internet access on the phone until he could make a good case for needing it for a practical reason. We still only let him use preapproved apps and don't let him watch YouTube or other videos on his phone. We haven't let him get any social media accounts, even though most of his friends have had them for years, well before the official internet age of consent of 13. Keeping him off social media takes away one potential bullying space as well as one potential space for being exposed to content we believe is inappropriate for his still developing brain.

Our parenting hasn't been all about negatives, however. One important thing HAVE done is spend a lot of time with him. That's easy for me since I've been a stay at home mom his whole life, but Mr. Engineer always makes spending time and making memories with the kids a priority (often to the detriment of projects around the house getting completed). We've instituted a family culture in which honesty and integrity are valued. We read to him (even now that he's a high schooler) and we talk about what we read. Sometimes characters in books have a lot to teach us, either because they made the right decisions or because they made all the wrong decisions. We also talk to him about why we aren't letting him watch or listen to or play some things his friends have told him are totally awesome. We talk to him about the kind of man we hope and pray he grows up to be and how we hope the way we're parenting will help him become that kind of man. We also take him to church and Sunday School, but we don't leave his religious education to the church alone. We read scripture with him and pray with and for him. We talk about how our faith plays a role in the decisions we make. His good character isn't only due to what we've done, however. Another important aspect is what he has learned through his involvement with the Boy Scouts of America. Mr. Engineer is an Eagle Scout, and the values he learned through scouting stay with him today. He wanted the same for Squirrelboy, and Squirrelboy joined a Cub Scout pack (with Mr. Engineer as his adult partner) in first grade, the first year he was eligible. The BSA motto includes a promise to keep oneself "physically fit, mentally awake, and morally straight." The BSA law states that, among other things, a scout is trustworthy and loyal. Unfortunately, there are people who go all the way through BSA and even sometimes people who serve as leaders who don't truly live these principles. However, Squirrelboy has had an amazing experience with adults who really want the boys to understand and live the motto and the law. I think with our family dynamic Squirrelboy could have turned out just as honest and trustworthy as he is without scouting, but his scouting experience is a wonderful complement to what we're doing and has helped him learn to live out principles we believe in even when he's not around us.

Poor Kittygirl has been basically ignored in this entry. She's only 8, and there have been fewer opportunities in her life for us to see what we're doing right. However, the thing I'm struck with about her is that she's a really good friend. We must be doing things mostly right with her as well when I hear from other parents at her school that she's kind to everyone and everyone likes her. We're raising her in about the same way as we raised to her brother, though, to his chagrin, we've loosened up a little bit on the media part, due in large part to the fact that she's not as sensitive to scary or violent elements in movies as he was at her age. It's also due, frankly, to the fact that we've wanted to see the new Star Wars movies with the whole extended family as they came out and we couldn't exactly leave her back at Grandma's house on her own :).

My kids aren't perfect, and I've made plenty of mistakes as a parent, some of which I may detail in later entries, but there's a lot of evidence stacking up that it really is possible to raise a good kid in this day and age without keeping said kid in a bubble.