In Which My Brain Resembles the Top of My Husband's Dresser, But It's Not Really a Bad Thing

I was talking with Mr. Engineer today, and he made reference to me possibly being able to find something I was looking for on top of his dresser. I told him I'd looked, but, quite understandably, couldn't find it.Then I joked that it has about the same level or organization as my brain. This is what the dresser top looks like:

If he ever needs a receipt from the past decade, a small electronic item that has broken down, a birthday card that's been given to him since we got married, or a Dexcom transmitter that has expired, this is where he would find it. Anyone who's willing to sort through the mess could find one of those things as well. Some of them are easier to find than other. If you know what a Dexcom transmitter looks like, for instance, you can probably spot one over on the right.

I wasn't completely joking when I said that this is what my brain looks like. Contrary to popular belief, it's not usually true that people with ADHD can't pay attention to anything. The problem more often is that we're paying attention to too many things at the same time. Just like the top of this dresser, my brain and Squirrelboy's brain and constantly noticing and reflecting on so many things it can be chaotic. The problem is when we're forced to focus on a particular one.

Sometimes this ability to keep lots of things in our brains at once can be advantageous. People with ADHD who have acquired tools (through medication, through practice, or both) that allow them to sort out the mess a little bit and choose what the focus on are often exceptionally good at multitasking.

I spent my senior year of high school in Sweden. One of my host family's traditions was to watch TV together in the evening while eating evening fika. It's sort of a cross between a snack and the British concept of teatime, but with its own cultural heritage. I normally had homework to do in the evening, but that didn't stop me from enjoying fika in front of the TV. 

A lot of my host father's favorite shows were American shows with Swedish subtitles. I was placed in the humanities track in Swedish high school, which meant that, in addition to learning Swedish, I was studying Latin, French, and Spanish. My homework was often in one of these languages. My host mother frequently expressed amazement that I could listen to a TV show in English and hold a conversation in Swedish while doing homework in a third language. It didn't amaze me. It was just the way my brain worked.

When I shared this story with Squirrelboy last year, he asked, "Is that why I notice things that other people miss? Because I notice everything." That is absolutely true. His problem is that sometimes he is so busy noticing all the details going on around him he completely forgets to pay much attention to the one task he's supposed to be focusing on. Thanks to a combination of his medication making his brain a little quieter and a growing maturity that has allowed him to take criticism and start applying the advice we've been given for years, Squirrelboy is slowly learning to push aside the million things he notices in order to focus on the one thing he's supposed to do in the moment.

My favorite example of an ADHDer's natural ability to notice so many things going on around them comes from fiction. In the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan features modern American children of Greek demigods. Nearly all demigods, according to the book, have dyslexia and ADHD. The dyslexia happens because their brains are hardwired to read ancient Greek. The ADHD gives them a serious advantage in battle, as it allows them to notice everything happening around them and make the best decisions. Spoiler alert: the teenage demigods save the world. They're heroes. However, when they're expected in school to learn to read English well and to sit still and pay attention in class, they look like failures.

I wish every child with ADHD had the opportunity that Squirrelboy and I have had to see their different brains as advantageous in some situations and to acquire skills that allow them to function well even when their brains are disadvantageous. Unfortunately, all too often only the things they do poorly are pointed out to them, and they are neither given the skills they need in situations in which their brains work against them nor shown that their brains are amazing creations that are incredibly useful in other situations.